Tiny Little Cell

Content Note: solitary confinement

I was in a tiny little cell for a week while waiting for a psych hold. It was just me in this white room with a hospital bed, a toilet that was basically a chamber pot, and a window that had no curtains. If I needed to go to the bathroom, I'd have to use the toilet in full view of everyone.

It was solitary confinement, basically. I spent most of my time sleeping because there was nothing else to do, curled around the three possessions the hospital let me have- my journal, a magic marker, and a book- so that the hospital staff wouldn't change their minds and take them away from me.

Sometimes the staff brought me food. They'd leave it on the floor while I was sleeping. I have a lot of allergies, so a lot of the time I couldn't even eat the food. There were never any alternatives.

By the time I got to the psych ward, I was so desperate to get home that I agreed to whatever the doctors gave me. I took the first meds they offered and lied that I was fine just so that they'd send me home. I participated in every activity, I did everything that would make them think I was mentally healthy. But I was worse off than I had been before the hospital.